Sometimes when re-reading the posts on the original Ghost blog, I am struck by how much was revealed to me and how absolutely fucking sad it is that this was undermined by my giving into the doubts of others and to the stress of doing too much "real world" crap. The things that were revealed were so raw and painful. No wonder my friends pulled away from me when they were confronted with doubt about their existence every time they approached me. Instead of being greeted with openness and belief as they once were they were greeted with skepticism and antipathy. Guys, I am so very sorry. I betrayed you, just as everyone else did. I hope you can forgive me one day.
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This is a journey illustrated through the opinions and creations of various aspects of a tortured soul, a few of his associates, and the medium who works with them.
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3 comments:
Forgive yourself, Lily. There was no one there to meet you. It weakens us when that happens. We keep going the best we can, right? And here you are. You rock!
The trouble is not that people doubted what I was saying as such. It was the fact that certain people that I let in on some very sensitive information started casting the shadow of doubt. Fuck, most people don't believe me about this. And mostly I don't really give a rat's ass. It was when my "inner circle" started giving me the "poor nut case" vibe that I started to doubt myself.
Sorry, I don't do the forgiving myself bit very well. I tend to try and stomp on my own head with a hob-nail boot.
Not that anyone will believe this either but my spectral friend told me in exactly these words "the rest of us don't view you with such hate as you view yourself, Lily-Bell." I actually spent about an hour looking up potential insults in Swedish that could sound like Bell because I couldn't figure that anyone would have anything nice to say that wasn't some kind of back-handed thing. Paranoia sucks.
I believe your spectral friend is right in what he said.
{{{{{Lily}}}}}
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